Most of the time, I’m moving so quickly, I hardly have time to notice it. I move through the days at ninety miles an hour. Cleaning, studying, changing diapers, bathing my girl, feeding her. Dinner time comes, and goes. Bedtime for her. Then time slows immensely. I throw myself into my studies. I keep running.
But, sometimes, the quick pace is overcome. The nagging pain surfaces. And I remember how much, how intensely I miss my Soldier. My husband.
I have been struggling with this the last few days, which is frustrating since I’d been doing really well the last few months. I missed him, yes. But, I kept moving. Quickly. The last few days, I’ve been stumbling a bit.
I stood outside the other night during intermission of a play. I stared into the sky, watching the thumbnail of the moon. He has the same sky, I tried to comfort myself. But, I wanted him to have the same square footage, the same piece of concrete, the same moment. Tonight, I looked at his pictures, the ones where he is sitting in our living room, our den. My mind is confused; was he here, it asks. It’s odd how quickly it seems like eons. He was here, I tell myself. And, God willing, he’ll be here again.
I know in a few days I will be back to my breakneck speed. I just have to acknowledge this. But not wallow. After that, I will be at the top of my game again. I just needed to reset, I guess.
So, I miss you. A lot.
Now, to finis that silly paper.