“She’d take Colorado if she’d take her with him, closes the door before the winter lets the cold in….”
I feel like somehow, he’s left frozen there in time. The winter. The cold. Snow still barely on the ground from a few days before….
“She wonders if her love is strong enough to make him stay….She’s answered by the tail lights shining through the window pane.”
The bus doors closed, I ran after him that day, a sick and sleeping baby in my arms. I just made it to the side of the bus and found his seat, as the bus pulled away. The tail lights still bright in my mind, as the white bus pulled around the block, his head and arm hanging out. Until I couldn’t see him anymore.
“He said ‘I want to see you again, but I’m stuck in colder weather…'”
The winter. We lived together. Shared a life together. I see the coats in the closet, the scarves hanging inside the door, and shudder. A long time ago. A long time to go.
“She said ‘you’re a rambling man. You ain’t ever gonna to change. You gotta gyspy soul to blame and you were born for leavin…..'”
This is his vocation. A Soldier. To leave. To defend freedom and the lives of the innocent. And I was called to be left behind. To support him. It hurts so badly to watch him walk away, to leave you. Alone. And for a long time. But, I would do it again, if he asked me. I will do it again. I committed to that the day I said , “I do.” I don’t regret it. I’m proud to do it.
“He thinks of Colorado, and the girl he left behind him…”
He misses me. I know he thinks of me, thinks of his little family. I know he wants to see us again, but right now, he’s stuck in colder weather. That life we had, that we shared, is stuck in that colder weather many long months ago. But, we wait in his stead.
And we trudge forward.
“It’s a winding road…you’re a lover, I’m a runner and we go round and round.”
“And I love you but I leave you…you know it’s you that call me back here, Babe.”
Winter will come again. And with it, him. That man we left behind when the weather turned warm right after he left. Who left us to follow the call of duty. Even now, the hint of fall in the air in early morning finds me momentarily hopeful. It’s coming. The cold is coming. My soldier is coming.
“I want to see you again…but I’m stuck in colder weather…”
It’s coming full circle. We go round and round, until we are together again. Then the warm can come, the Spring can dawn. We’ll still be together, sharing life again. Sharing moments again.
“When I close my eyes I see you…” Yes, in the night, when I’m alone and the house is dark, I see you. In my dreams every night, I see you. Always. Thank, God.
“No matter where I am…” On a trip, far from home. In our own home. Having our child. I see you. Always. I do this for you. You are my constant motivation.
“I’m with your ghost again…” Awaking from a dream again at four a.m., reaching for you. Smiling painfully. Again. He’ll be here soon enough. It’s not cold yet.
“It’s a shame about the weather, but I know soon we’ll be together…
And I can’t wait till then. I can’t wait till then…”
Oh, God, I can’t wait till then…
Song and lyrics: Zac Brown Band, “Colder Weather” http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oouFE51HcqM
One thought on “”
Beautiful. Adrienne, you have such a gift. You are an amazingly strong woman.
Excuse me while I go wipe the tears from my eyes.