“Let me just tell you.” I got closer to the camera. “The wife and mother you left at the beginning of this deployment is very different from the wife and mother you will come home to.”
I remember vividly, standing at the beginning. Wondering how I would get through all the inevitable challenges and Crosses that would befall us while he was gone. Wondering if I was truly as strong as everyone was saying. Wondering if I would break.
I haven’t broken. Not yet.
I’ve grown. Stretched, which is a painful process, but rewarding afterwards. During the moments, either through chance or choice, that I felt like my entire body and soul were being pulled and stretched in ways unimaginable, I honestly didn’t know how I would come out on the other side. Bitter or victorious? Angry or relieved?
This deployment–this war–is filled with smaller battles that Elizabeth and I have endured together. Scary battles, annoying battles, personal battles. But, despite doubting myself at the start of each, I came through each a stronger and more flexible person. I’ve learned so much about myself. Realized how much truly I can endure. More than I had thought. And we are still here, still fighting.
I am stubborn.
And so, this last week, when we tackled potty training amidst fluctuating pregnancy hormones and a very confused toddler, I didn’t know if we were going to pull it off. Tuesday night, I was ready to pack it in. Raise that white flag.
“Give it one more day, Adrienne.” My far-off battle buddy encouraged me. She must know what she’s doing. She’s gotten three children out of diapers.
And we did it. Laugh if you want. But moments like that–hard-fought battles that we win–are the very moments that make me realize I can survive the last six months. That I can endure the remaining battles, whatever they maybe. I will make it through giving birth alone, through the first six weeks with a newborn and toddler. And we will come out the other side stronger, better, victorious.
So, I move forward. Maybe a little tired now, maybe a little weary. But, I move forward. Battles will be won, the war will end. And we will come out of the other side victorious.
Major props–potty training slightly terrifies me. Keep up the good work!
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😉 You CAN do it Addie! You are a ROCKSTAR! 🙂
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