“Are you hoping it’s a boy? So you can be done?”
“No.” I laugh. “My husband and I want to fill our house.”
Because I only get to live once. Just one time I get to walk through this world, one chance in this journey. You can fill your life with the smart phones and iPads, you may have your fancy four seater cars and yearly resort-island trips. You can choose to have a few years of those pattering feet, desperate calls for Mom-mie or Dad-die, the giggles, the snuggles, the laughs, the cries. You can choose to spend most of your life without children.
But I see it differently. I only get one shot. And I want to live it for all its worth. I don’t need the smartphones, fancy computers, Nordstrom clothes. I will forgo the small cars and far flung beach trips. Instead, I want a lifetime of life. Of babies, of children and, yes, even of teens. I want to surround myself with people–my people. I want to give as much love to this world, to my world, as physically possible. My daughter tapped into a mine of love, and there’s so much there. I feel compelled to give it.
So, when you are digging your toes into the sand while contemplating if you are ready for children, I’ll probably be awake for the fourth night in a row staring into eyes that trust me unconditionally. While you purchase your Prada shoes for your evening at the five-star restaurant, I’ll likely be cheering on my child as they go-go on the potty for the first time. As you desperately fight for your one teen’s attention, my children will surround me demanding mine.
You see, you think your life is so full, and that mine will be so empty. But, when we both reach the end of this life, you will not be surrounded by the beach, the clothes, the electronics. No. Those will be at home in the photo albums, in the closet, on the shelves. You will be surrounded by what you helped create, which was a lifetime of selfishness. I will be surrounded by people. My people. My precious souls that I committed this one life to. I will not live alone, die alone. I will be surrounded always. By my full house.