No mother ever envisions it for their own child. Walking through the giant sliding doors, down the hall, last door on the right. There’s an adult-size door, and a child-size door. Fish tanks stretch from floor to ceiling, and there are stars on the linoleum. The walls are painted bright colors, and the desk is low, so the children can feel involved. Despite attempting to provide an inviting environment, the place is still scary as hell. On the wall: Scott and White Pediatric Hematology and Oncology.

Twice I’ve walked through those doors. And twice I’ve felt like throwing up. Twice, we’ve there in the waiting room while Elizabeth fawns over the fishies. Twice, we’ve waiting for the doctor to come in and see her bruising. Twice, we’ve had him order blood tests. Twice, we’ve been sent away, knowing no more than when we’d walked through the doors.

I feel like I’m living in one of those movies, where the parents are pushing against all odds to figure out what’s wrong with their child. Where no one is listening to the parents. They stand by their child’s side, arguing and standing their ground. But, they always find out answers. The movies make it look easy. The parents appear heroic. I feel broken. They seem indefatigable. I am exhausted. They have their helpmate their. I stand alone. Lost. Losing.

Tonight, I am at a dead end. Where do I go from here? How far am I willing to take this fight? To whom do I present Elizabeth’s situation next? I don’t know.

I do know that something is clearly wrong with my daughter. I do know that my husband is halfway across the globe, so far removed from all of this. I do believe in the power of prayer and the support of family and friends. And, I absolutely know that this mother will stop at nothing to find out what is wrong with my child. No distance is too far, no fear too great, no medical personnel too elite for me to overcome that obstacle and achieve a correct diagnosis.

I ask for your prayers, dear readers. Those of you who do read. I know not how many there are. But, if you could leave a comment letting me know you are praying so that I might take great peace from that, I’d be eternally grateful. I desperately need them right now. Elizabeth needs them right now. Thank you.

80 thoughts on “

  1. Prayers for you and your daughter as your fight to understand how best to help her. I pray that she would be healed of whatever ails her, and if that healing needs to come through the hands of a physician, that you will be led to the right place.

    – praying from the midwest


  2. Dear Adrienne,
    You and your daughter are in my prayers. The cross leads to the resurrection. I ask Mary, the Mother of God, who watched as her only son was beaten, tortured and left to die upon a cross to pray and intercede for you in your suffering. She understands your pain, seek solace in her mother to mother.


  3. I´m a cancer mom and i am praying for you and your little girl. You are doing the right thing… keep fighting! All to often doc's don't listen to what mom's are saying… we know our kids and we often know instinctively when something isn't right. I only registered here so that i could post to you. If you have any questions i am willing to answer them. My daughter has a forum (very quiet right now) on delphiforums it's called friends of freja. You can get hold of me there as i check for new messages daily.
    Jane ( mom to an Infant ALL warrior)


  4. Prayers for you — for strength, courage, and comfort, for your daughter — for healing and answers, and for your husband — for his safety and strength.

    You have many prayer “warriors” here to lift you up and offer your intentions.

    May you feel the strength of these prayers and may they give you some peace and strength.

    Best of luck through this trying times.


  5. Another mitlitary family, sending your family strength and prayers to get through this. We been in that “what is going on?” phase and it's scary and frustrating as hell. As a fellow mom, I tell you to follow your gut–that “Mommy instinct” that God gave all mothers– and it will not lead you wrong. Prayers.


  6. Hey Friend. {HUG}. I read and we are praying daily for Elizabeth. The boys say the cutest things. Isaiah prayed that “Elizabeth would find shoes that she can take off.” ?? I asked him what he meant by that. He said that she can never take her shoes off. LOL! He must have misunderstood me from when she was here and I said something like: “She doesn't need to take her shoes off, they help her walk better.” Lol. Anyways, I explained, no, we are praying that the doctors find out what's wrong with her and that she can be healed. =)


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