And so, after 7 months, I finally went back. Elizabeth and Richard were there, too. Still, the hole–the wound–is still so far inside me I shy away when people trod near it. It’s still so personal, so internal.

It should be his first Christmas. I should have another Baby’s First Christmas ornament on the tree. That’s hard sometimes. But, he’s in Heaven with the Angels and the Saints celebrating Jesus’ Birthday, where music bursts forth and happiness abounds. I want nothing more for my son, especially on his First Christmas.

4 thoughts on “

  1. My heart aches for you, dearie. I cannot imagine…. This is such a beautiful post of surrender to Him. Thank you for posting this and reminding us, as Ashley said, of a sweet intercessor in Heaven for us all!


  2. Adrienne, coming back and re-reading this post makes me cry, as I can especially relate to it now. We should have had a new baby for Christmas this year. Instead, we're playing the waiting game and going in for more testing tomorrow, but our chances are very, very slim and I'm most likely miscarrying. Knowing that your baby is in Heaven doesn't rid a mother of her grief. I just wanted to tell you how inspired I am by you and your strength and your love for your family. Know that I am thinking of you and Elizabeth often and praying hard for strength for your family while Richard is away!


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