As I write this, there are a mere 14 days remaining until my wedding. Despite the ever-growing and tangible evidence, I honestly cannot believe any of this is happening. I have wedding invitations consuming an entire drawer in my entertainment center, RSVPs filling my mailbox daily, Wedding Gifts piling up at my doorstep, and a veil cascading down from closet shelf. I have a suitcase packed with beach clothes and an apartment rapidly growing empty. I, Adrienne Smith, am getting married! And yet, it all feels strangely…surreal. Despite the Bridal Showers and dress fittings, the honeymoon shopping and apartment packing, the list-making and day-planning, I can’t make myself believe–it’s about me this time. Not someone else, not another bride. I am the Bride.
I am the happiest girl on Earth, I think. All the excitement, all the anticipation is about to culminate. It’s not about the dress for me, dear reader. It’s not the shoes or the veil. It’s not about the parties or presents or people. It’s not even about the Mass. In a swift 14 days, I have the honor of vowing my whole life and self to my vocation–to humbly and completely serve one man and our children for the rest of my life. That is the the thought that brings tears of complete and total joy to my eyes. I am honored with the job of getting him and our children to Heaven all the days of my life. Daily may I die so that he may live. Through cooking his meals, scrubbing his floors, and scouring bathtubs, I can get a man and his children to Paradise. Hand in Hand with this, I am going to be God’s channel for new life into this world. In a lesser way, I will be a Mary.
Sometimes, I worry–am I spiritually prepared for this arduous vocation? Am I ready to daily lay down my life for my family? I realize that temptations of pride and selfishness will sometimes prevent me from fulfilling this huge, God-given task. After much reflection, I have concluded that no one is ever fully ready, or there would be no learning. There would be no growing and, therefore, there would be no coming closer to Christ. As such, I pray to have the humility to just focus on each set of twenty-four hours–how can I spend that day getting my husband and, eventually, our children to Heaven?
Please remember me in your prayers, dear reader. It is only through the graces of our Lord that I shall, after years’ battle, win what I set out to attain: the salvation of my family.